


Where I Keep You In My Mind

by bythelightofthenight



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-27 22:59:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8420488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bythelightofthenight/pseuds/bythelightofthenight
Summary: It's unable to control love. There are bonded who marry, who separate, who never meet each other, who find one another and don't care. There's people who dedicate their lives to finding the one they're bonded with, but there's just as many who never spend a day of their lives thinking about it.Nathan's best friend happens to be the type to dream of a romantic bond. Bellamy loves the idea of love. He's convinced he's bonded with his soulmate.When Nathan tells his father he wishes Bellamy could feel what he feels, David smiles kindly. Those feelings are just as important, he says.- a soulmate ish au where you feel the other person's emotions





	

**Author's Note:**

> * ravenluna is a background ship but throughout the fic * 
> 
> really nothing to warn about i think ? real cheese

The bond is believed to be created in the first two years of the child’s life. In childhood it's barely noticeable. A child might cry because they feel tired or because through the bond there's hunger. Growing up, their imaginary friend’s emotions might be more real than their parents realize.

The romantic way of thought says it's a piece of one’s soul gone lost in the first years of life, trying to find its way back. The bond isn't defined by romance, though. It's meant to connect two people best matched, but the definition remains theoretical.

Scientists desperately churn out models of how the bond must've changed throughout centuries, from evolution attempting to assure the survival of the fittest to the development of societies glamorizing romantic love. Most don't care about the specifics. The inexplicability is too enthralling, the thought of a cosmic force bringing two people together too compelling.

The bond isn't almighty. It's possible to tune out and ignore. It often connects more than just a pair at once. It binds lovers, best friends, acquaintances, even enemies. All it does is connect a person with another’s emotions in a way that's impossible to measure.

It's unable to control love. There are bonded who marry, who separate, who never meet each other, who find one another and don't care. There's people who dedicate their lives to finding the one they're bonded with, but there's just as many who never spend a day of their lives thinking about it.

Nathan's best friend happens to be the type to dream of a romantic bond. Bellamy loves the idea of love. He's convinced he's bonded with his soulmate.

When Nathan tells his father he wishes Bellamy could feel what he feels, David smiles kindly. Those feelings are just as important, he says.

David’s never met his pair. Neither had Nathan's mom. They got married and had a child simply because they were in love. Nathan figures he'll end up doing that too.

He's slightly bothered by the idea of his pair. What if the person doesn't _like_ him? What if it's a girl who wants to fall in love with him? He'd have to disappoint her; he doesn't fall in love with girls. What if it's a boy who hates him because he doesn't?

His pair feels _a lot_. Nathan's felt them as long as he can remember. They feel so much that sometimes it moves him. Their happiness is immersive, their anger explosive.

What Nathan feels the most, though, is confusion. He finds himself squirming in discomfort with the emotions swirling inside his chest. He never speaks of it. It feels too personal - for him and whoever he's tapped onto.

He figures his pair probably doesn't pay a lot of attention to him. He's always been quiet. He feels a regular amount. All he's passing through is probably stings of jealousy or sweaty palms. It all feels embarrassing and he hopes his pair doesn't catalogue Nathan's emotions like he does theirs.

\--

On the day of their high school graduation, Nathan's relief is mixed with his pair’s. He knows it wasn't the best time for either of them. Even with the mood swings of puberty, he'd felt their connection even better than before. It had made him think maybe they were getting closer to each other, but it was simply wishful thinking.

They're having dinner that night with David and Bellamy’s mother and sister, when Bellamy’s breathing picks up suddenly. He clutches the side of the table with white knuckles, and all they can do is watch.

It takes a while before he can talk. “Something’s wrong”, he says, his voice thick. He explains the panic and pain that took over before it got quiet.

The bond doesn't automatically reveal the death of a pair. It can be sensed in strong bonds as a stillness that fills the space the pair’s emotions were felt in before. People have claimed to having been able to physically feel their pair pass away, but there's no real evidence of it.

Fortunately Bellamy doesn't have to learn if it's true or not. The silence lasts until the next morning. Nathan's sleeping next to him in his bed, when Bellamy wakes up with a start.

“They're back”, he whispers, his eyes filled with tears.

Nathan sighs in relief, and falls back asleep with Bellamy’s head on his chest.

His own pair was happy all day. The mix of joy and relief are still heightened when Nathan wakes up again. Bellamy drags him with him to go check all the hospitals they can reach.

In the waiting room of the second one, he stills. Bellamy holds a hand to his chest, a nervous smile breaking through. They ask a nurse about patients brought in the previous night, but she can't reveal anything. After a hit of Bellamy’s sad eyes, she agrees to let them speak to a family member of someone who could be the one they're looking for.

The man introduces himself as Jacapo Sinclair and listens to Bellamy’s rushed explanation. He tells them his daughter is still recovering and unconscious most of the time. Still, he promises to talk to her when he can and ask if she wants to meet him. They exchange phone numbers, and Nathan and Bellamy go back home.

He'd had a feeling Bellamy’s pair would be a girl. He tries not to feel upset over it, focusing on his own pair’s good mood to keep away from self pity. Bellamy’s ecstatic, unable to keep the smile off his face.

Nathan's working at his summer job when Bellamy calls him on his way to the hospital. She's agreed to meet him. Her name is Raven, and Bellamy _knows_ they're soulmates.

They meet up that night and Bellamy seems too quiet. He's still excited, but it's not the whole story.

“So... are you gonna tell me what happened or what?” Nathan asks.

“She's perfect”, Bellamy breathes out. “Her leg is in pretty bad shape after the accident that I felt and she had like two surgeries on it. But she's... She's everything I imagined.”

“But..?”

“She's, um”, Bellamy scratches the back of his head, “gay.”

Nathan’s brows shoot up and he can't control his expression before Bellamy looks up from the table top. “She's gay?”

“Yup. She's a lesbian.”

“Oh.”

“Looks like I was a little too caught up in my daydreams. When we met I wasn't, like, madly in love with her or anything. Of course I was a little disappointed it wasn't what I'd imagined, but... But when we were that close it was so intense, how we felt each other. Like we were one person instead of two.” Bellamy reaches for his hand. “Now, dude, you know you're my best friend and that won't change, but I'm pretty sure Raven and I are meant to be soulmate-level besties.”

Nathan chuckles. He'd spent years being jealous of someone just _having_ Bellamy’s love, but clearly he was thinking inside the box as well. “It's okay. I think we can share.”

Bellamy beams at him and lets go of his hand. “Guess I've still got to find my true love after all.”

He shakes his head fondly. Instead of letting hope build up in his chest, it's the first day he starts moving on.

\--

They head off to college. Nathan’s pair’s evened out a bit. He hopes it means things are good.

Raven and Bellamy are insufferable together. It's like their minds are connected and not just their emotions. It makes them undefeated in Pictionary. Bellamy spends most of his spare time with her, but Nathan can't be mad with how happy he is. He knows the excitement that still manages to make his gut twist with envy will fade eventually.

It's not that he doesn't like Raven. He loves her. They all spend a lot of time together. Raven’s introduced them to her girlfriend Luna, and Bellamy loves her almost as much as he loves Raven. But Nathan can't help feeling jealous - not of _them_ specifically, but of having found their pair.

Luna’s never been connected with her pair. She explains she grew up in a sparsely populated area and her closest match was so far away she barely felt anything so she simply ignored the link. Even that didn't stop her from finding happiness with someone. Nathan curses himself for getting so caught up in the bond.

And still, any uptick of emotion from his pair and he falls right back into the cycle of wondering where they are. It's not exactly stopping him from meeting new people, but he's guilty of getting stuck in his ways. So with the encouragement from Bellamy, he lets Raven set him up.

He ends up having a great time with Drew. When his heart beats faster at the touch of Drew’s hand, Nathan wonders if his pair can feel it, but shakes the thought away quickly. He can't stay stuck in his head.

He meets Maya at a lecture. She's almost as bad as Bellamy used to be with her romantic dreams. But her girlfriend Harper is the complete opposite. She wants nothing to do with the bond.

Nathan doesn't get how they work together. Maya laughs and rests her temple against her girlfriend’s.

“We don't lie. If I meet my soulmate and they become the absolute love of my life, it'd be as unfortunate as falling in love with someone else while you're in a relationship. But we love each other now. This moment matters now.”

After their next date, Nathan takes Drew up to his room and doesn't focus on anything but the moment.

\--

The class is especially boring that day, but Nathan's deep in thought even without its help. There's been a weight in his chest all day, an almost physical feeling of nerves taking over. It's not his own feeling.

It makes him think of his own life and what could've caused his pair to possibly get nervous about what he was feeling. He was too young when his mom died. He's been rather safe all his life. All in all, he must've been a pretty stable pair to have.

The stillness isn't immediate, but suddenly it's all he can feel. His stomach drops and his mouth goes dry. There's nothing, he feels nothing.

Horror images fly through his mind. Something has to be wrong. He makes it to the end of the class before bolting out.

Bellamy’s not in their room so he heads over to Raven’s. She's reading a heavy physics book with Luna dozing off against her shoulder.

“Where's Bellamy?” he pants in lieu of a greeting.

“In class. What's wrong?”

“Something's happening. In my head. It's all quiet. Just like when you had your accident.”

Raven closes her book. “Okay. Calm down. Breathe. Take a seat.”

He sits obediently in her desk chair. Raven eyes him with a frown.

“You don't think they're...”

“I don't know. I don't know what to do.”

“You just have to wait. You're so caught up in it right now. Get out of your head.”

“How? My head’s all that’s left. It's not pretty, Raven.”

“You don't give yourself enough credit. I'm sure you're a lovely head to share.” Raven nudges his knee with her good leg. “Do some breathing exercises or something.”

He buries his face in his hands. “I'm gonna die.”

“Okay, drama queen. Tell me about them.”

Nathan takes a few breaths behind the shield of his palms. “They're... lively. Empathetic. Excitable. Sometimes... lonely, but it's been better since graduation. Not as many upticks of anxiety like before. More peaceful I guess.”

“They sound great.” Raven gives him a gentle smile.

“I wouldn't know.”

“I'm sure you'll get to.”

Nathan meets her eyes and gives a weak smile back. “Thanks. For, you know, this.”

“Don't worry about it. You're better company than _some_ , who say they'll hang out with you and fall asleep five minutes in.” She glances down at Luna before resting her cheek against her curls.

“So what were you reading?”

He lets Raven distract him with physics until Bellamy's return.

\--

The relief leaves him breathless and his chest hurting when he's hit with groggy nausea later that night. The feelings are disoriented, but they're _there_.

\--

Drew finds his pair.

He sits Nathan down and tells him he feels terrible, but there’s a connection and he wants to see where it goes. Who's he to deny him that? If he'd walked into his pair and felt love at first sight or something of the sort, he'd jump at the chance to make it happen.

The jealousy and disappointment should be eating at him, but once again all he can think about is finding his own pair. He's not in love with Drew, but he could've been. But letting him go isn't as hard as it probably should be, when he knows Drew would be supportive of him if it was the other way around.

Bellamy climbs into bed with him and holds him. He already knows what Nathan's thinking. When Bellamy promises it doesn't mean he won't be happy until he meets them, he wants to believe him. Just if his own mind got on with the program.

\--

Nathan's pair still feels as much as he always has. There's moments of frustration and burning anger, but they're overpowered by a normalcy that's sprinkled with noticeable lightness and even euphoric happiness. He finds peace in knowing the average is positive, that the direction is up for his pair.

He's studying for midterms his third year, when a distracting feeling grows in the pit of his stomach. It takes a while for him to place it, his focus switching from his textbook to listening to the feeling that isn't his. With a start, he realizes he's stuck experiencing his pair’s... sexual debut while trying to cram for calculus.

He muffles a laugh into the crook of his arm. The absurdity of it all makes it hard to be jealous or anything else, and all he can do is hope his pair’s having a good time interrupting his studying. It's not until he realizes it must work both ways that he turns back to his notes to ignore the embarrassment burning his cheeks.

\--

Over the years he meets different people with different relationships with the bond.

Lincoln’s still waiting to find his match. The link isn't as strong as it's clear so he assumes the person’s far away.

Anya fell in love with her pair, but she didn't feel the same way. She moved across the world and the link withered. Emori never cared for hers, but she cares about Anya.

Indra married the man she was bonded with. She didn't find happiness with him and so she left him. They still make a great parenting team for their two kids even while separate, and Indra's happy with her new wife Callie.

Wells never felt anything. Whether his pair chose to ignore him or if they'd passed away, he doesn't know. But Bellamy makes him laugh and that's enough.

\--

He's out of college and in the first job that matches his degree, feeling more like an adult than he's ever wanted to. The office he works in is nice, though; not too stuffy, not somewhere he dreads going to.

Bellamy’s late meeting him. After a desperate text, he made his way to the lobby of Bellamy’s workplace.

In the past few years he's started making peace with the feelings in him as well as his own. He's dated around, been serious and had flings. He's longed to meet his pair and cared for others just as strongly whether they were friends or lovers.

Their link has remained strong. Nathan knows they're not far apart, but the thought of wandering around looking for them feels ridiculous. Maybe he is a romantic at heart. Maybe he wants them to meet spontaneously and lock eyes across the room and just _know_. Maybe it's not the worst thing to dream of.

It doesn't happen quite like that. He gets another text from Bellamy and turns to head towards the elevators to go physically drag him from his desk, when someone bumps into him.

The momentary shock is twofold.

He automatically grabbed the man’s arm to keep him from falling at the impact. He's about the same height as Nathan, but leaner, with messy black hair and brown skin. They're both frozen in the moment, emotions mixing with their close proximity and the initial shock heightening it to a jumble of _what_.

“Shit”, the man whispers.

It breaks the tension and Nathan lets go of him. He's still speechless.

“You're -- We're”, the man points between them, “you know.”

He nods frantically. The man breaks into a smile.

“Wow.” His hand reaches out, but he seems to decide otherwise and lets it drop. “Wow.”

“Yeah”, Nathan manages. He clears his throat, aware they're standing in the middle of a lobby. “You work here?”

“Yeah. For a few weeks now. You live here?”

“Yeah. I grew up like an hour away.”

The man shakes his head with a laugh. “I was two towns over. I always knew you were close.”

“I -- Me too.” Saying it out loud is strange. Good strange.

“Sorry. I'm Monty.”

He couldn't have stopped the flood of emotion even if he tried. Monty. He has a name. They're a person, they're _real_.

“Whoa”, Monty chuckles breathlessly. “I always heard it was intense, but... wow.”

“I'm Nathan.”

“Hi, Nathan.”

Monty's eyes are bright and Nathan wants to just stare at him for hours, but Bellamy’s voice breaks him from the trance.

“Hey, sorry I'm... well, me.” Bellamy claps a hand on his shoulder. “Oh, hi, Monty. You two know each other?”

“Kind of.” Monty meets his eyes, clearly trying to see if he's okay with telling.

Nathan bites the bullet. “We're bonded. He's my... you know.”

“Oh. _Oh_.” Bellamy’s eyes widen. “Wow. You're -- You're meeting right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you wanna meet up tomorrow or something? You can, you know, talk or something if you want.”

“I have to go back to work”, Monty says. “This doesn't have to be, like, weird, right? We could go for coffee or something another time?”

Nathan wants to get to know him _and_ stare at him for hours. Not that he says it out loud. “Yeah. Of course.”

Monty holds out his phone and he types in his number with shaky fingers.

“You okay?” Bellamy asks once he's disappeared into the elevator.

“I guess. I don't know. I mean... that was him. I've known him all my life and still I don't know him at all. He wants to _have coffee_.” His voice cracks at the last words.

“Okay. Calm down. Let’s go.”

Bellamy leads him out of the building. Nathan's still focusing on his breathing as they walk.

He makes Bellamy tell him everything he's learned about Monty in the two weeks they've worked together - which isn't much. It's hard not to feel a little offended that Monty didn't want to drop everything and just talk with him, but he figures it's not fair. He did seem happy to meet Nathan - it could be way worse.

At night he's trying to fall asleep, but he can't stop thinking about Monty. And Monty doesn't feel that serene either. After a half an hour of twisting and turning, his phone buzzes with a message.

**Hi. It's Monty.**

_Hi_

**Are you free Saturday morning ten-ish?**

**Coffee?**

_Sure_

**Great! I'll text you**

Monty settles down afterwards. Nathan tries to follow his lead.

\--

On Saturday he’s nervous. Possibly more nervous than he’s ever been. Possibly because Monty is too. Or so he wants to think.

Monty’s already sitting at the table, fiddling with his coffee cup. Nathan goes to order before taking a seat opposite him.

“Hi.”

“Hey!” Monty smiles brightly. “How are you?”

“Good. I’m good. This is just...”

“Weird?”

“Yeah.” He nods, his cheeks burning. “Not bad but --”

“I know.” Monty turns his eyes to the table.

The silence that falls is awkward. Nathan’s trying to think of something to say, anything, but it’s all so overwhelming it’s hard to think straight.

Monty clears his throat. “Uh. What happened to you when you were twelve?”

“What?”

“Something happened. You were in pain. I-I remember it because it was the first time I felt something hurt that much.”

“Oh. I... I broke my arm. It was not pretty. Bellamy and I were messing around and I fell off this ledge thing. Though the cast was more of a pain at that age.”

Monty chuckles. “Yeah, you were mad a lot.”

Nathan huffs out a laugh too. “The patience of a 12-year-old is not great.”

They smile at each other shortly before looking away again.

“I’m sorry if I was weird the other day”, Monty says suddenly. “It’s not that I didn’t wanna talk to you - because I did. But I freaked out a little bit... Or not so little.”

He sighs in relief internally. “It’s okay.”

“No, I mean I -- I really wanted to talk to you. I’ve wanted to meet you, like... my entire life. But after so many years I wasn’t sure it’d ever happen and then it suddenly did.”

“I get it. Don’t worry.”

It’s a lot easier from there on.

“You did not!” Monty covers his eyes. They’ve gone through 26 years worth of stories - some more embarrassing than others - while carefully getting to know each other. The link helps navigate the abnormal situation with hints of topics not to bring up again.

“Oh, I did.”

“Well”, Monty lets his hands drop on the table with a laugh, “there you have it. I lost my v-card at 21.”

“I was rooting for you. Trust me.”

Monty smacks his arm. “I’ll have you know dealing with your few previous years to that, I’d earned the right.”

“Hey, I wasn’t sleeping around. I actually had a boyfriend then.” He raises a brow challengingly to Monty.

“Oh, you’re gay?”

He nods.

“Me too. I’m gay too.”

“Aren’t we a pair then.”

“I didn’t mean anything by that, by the way. Like, I don’t expect us to --”

“No, me neither.”

Monty bites his lip. “Why is this so hard?”

“Guess because... we don’t know what this is. And we always thought we would right away.”

“What do you wanna do? We don't owe each other anything, but... I'd be lying if I said I'm indifferent about this.”

“We could just be”, Nathan shrugs, “friends.”

He's not sure what he wants either. Monty seems great but they don't really know each other - not yet.

“Friends”, Monty agrees.

Nathan can feel the flutter in his chest and he's not sure if it's his own.

\--

It doesn't take long for him to notice he gets stuck staring at his open smile or the way his eyelashes brush the tops of his cheeks. There might've not been love at first sight, but it takes barely two months of coffee dates and meeting his friends for him to find himself well screwed.

Raven and Luna give him poor wooing tips while Bellamy just tells him to go for it. It's all so different when they're together, though. They're so closely linked, it's sometimes impossible to separate his emotions from Monty's. It's a closeness he's never felt before with anyone, and it's what makes him question himself.

He thinks it's possible he's simply wishing his feelings into reality. He's waited for his pair for so long and it's a man he's easily attracted to. But when Monty makes him laugh or talks about something he's passionate about, he thinks it must be real.

But Monty must feel his heart beating, his pulse picking up, his nerves spiking when he touches Nathan. He hasn't said anything about it so he must be letting him down easy. If it saves him from a soul-crushing conversation, he'll take it.

\--

They met five months ago, and not a day goes by without Nathan thinking about Monty.

Unable to get the years of almost-knowing each other back, they regularly still discuss their families, their interests, their jobs and achievements in great detail. But most of the time they just spend time together now. Like friends.

They're not allowed to play Pictionary as a team just like Raven and Bellamy. They can spend hours without talking and still feel comfortable just like Raven and Bellamy. Just like friends.

It's a weekend and Raven's dragged all of them out. Wells is there, looking tired but comfortable under Bellamy’s arm. Maya and Anya are always up for a drink. Luna's there, sober, to keep them in check.

Nathan sits next to Monty with their thighs pressed together. He wants to run his fingers over the back of Monty's hand and feel a rush of affection in his chest and in Monty's eyes. Instead, he takes a sip.

It's not the best idea. Well-being of his liver -wise.

Luna trusts them to make their way to Monty's apartment that's not too far away while she's left to herd a caroling Raven and intensely making out Wells and Bellamy into a cab. Lincoln’s opened his door for Maya and Anya so they don't have to drunk-stumble their way home and wake up their partners.

Despite expectations, they don't simply flop down on the bed and fall asleep immediately. Monty makes him drink water and lends him clothes to sleep in. They make faces at each other in the bathroom mirror while brushing their teeth.

Nathan has a spare toothbrush at Monty's place that he likes to think about whenever he gets especially miserable about Monty not loving him back.

Monty sleeps curled up against his back, and Nathan falls asleep listening to his heartbeat.

\--

They sleep through the worst of their hangovers. When Nathan finally gets up and takes a shower, he feels alive enough.

Monty's walking around without a shirt, and Nathan can feel he likes doing it. He's not complaining either. The haze of a lazy Sunday makes it feel almost unreal and in that bubble he can pretend it's his life.

“Can I ask you something?” They're sitting on the bed, watching cartoons, and Nathan's so relaxed he's just let himself go.

“Sure”, Monty says without looking away from the TV.

“The year after high school. I -- I lost you for maybe half a day. That really just happens with unconsciousness or... death. What happened?”

Monty switches the sound off and turns to face him. Nathan can feel the tingle of nerves, but it's not overpowering.

“I've been meaning to tell you for a while now. I mean we're friends and we share things. It's just usually easier not to do this but. Alright. I didn't go to college after high school, like you know. I didn't know what I wanted to do and I was never sure I wanted the whole ordeal. I could just go to community college when I was ready. Anyway, I’d decided to save money for top surgery instead.” Monty takes a breath. “Because I'm transgender.”

“Oh. You were in surgery.” It makes sense, the nausea, nerves, being unconscious. He shakes it out of his head. “I mean. Thank you for telling me.”

“I didn't know if you could tell... or guess. Since you've felt my feelings since I was a kid, who had no idea about anything.”

“I mean I noticed when things got better and you were happier more. But I've never really known anything... I’m not very... intuitive.”

Monty lets out a shaky laugh. Relief is basically pouring out of him. Nathan takes his hand and squeezes it.

“Seriously. Thank you for trusting me.”

Monty blushes and squeezes his hand back. “Yeah, I... Yeah.”

Nathan wonders if love is an emotion that Monty can feel from him.

\--

Raven and Luna have given up trying to give him advice. Bellamy still occasionally gives him a pep talk, but he never takes it to heart.

They've become such close friends, it's hard to imagine making a move. When they're together it's so effortless he wants nothing to change that. Getting turned down would probably do just that.

The bond has always been a sensitive thing to him. It's not about romance or sex. It's trust and intimacy and comfort on a level that you just can't reach with anyone else. And still it's all based on consent; the willingness to connect with someone so deeply. It's unparalleled, chaste, and he'd never do anything to ruin it.

“Guess what.” Monty tugs on his shirt across the room.

Nathan only glances up from the back of the book he's reading over Monty's desk. “Hm?”

“I got asked out yesterday.” He sounds nonchalant but it's a stark contrast to the mixed emotions Nathan's getting.

“Oh?” he manages.

“Yeah. By this guy after work.”

He hates that guy. “Okay.”

“I was thinking of calling him.”

He's known jealousy his whole life. It still gets the best of him, curling his hands into fists and making his throat tighten. “Cool.”

“See. That. What is _that_?” Monty's walking towards him, pointing vaguely at his chest.

“What's what?”

“You know we can't lie to each other. Why are you feeling like that and then saying it's cool?”

He swallows gravely. “I --”

“Tell me the truth. What is it? Are you possessive of my time or _me_?” Monty's right in front of him, trapping him against the desk. Not that Nathan could make himself move.

“I'm sorry. I didn't wanna make things uncomfortable between us.”

“Why would they be uncomfortable?”

“Because we're friends and what I feel isn't just friendly.”

“You chivalrous piece of shit”, Monty sighs. He leans forward and presses their lips together.

The onslaught of emotions takes Nathan's breath away. There's two insistent heartbeats trying to hammer their ways out of two chests. The relief of a situation unwinding in itself is flooring. He wants nothing but the gentle pressure of Monty's lips on his till the day he dies.

“See?” Monty asks, three inches from his lips.

And, really, how's he supposed to be able to answer.

“The feelings? It's both of us. You can't see that?”

“I-I never thought you... too.”

Monty takes Nathan's hand and places it on his shoulder before slowly sliding it down his chest. The shiver that goes down his spine might as well be his own.

“You didn't say anything either”, he says weakly.

“I fucking love myself. But not everyone's wanted to love me as much.”

“I do. I... I love you.”

“I know.” Monty grins, and it doesn't matter whose heart is beating out of their chest now because Nathan just needs to kiss him.

He pulls him in by a hand on his waist, the other finding the side of his face. Monty's still smiling, his lips parted, and Nathan traces his bottom lip with his tongue.

“I love you too, you know.”

Nathan hums in reply, claiming his mouth again, determined to kiss him to within an inch of his life. Monty's hips pin him to the desk, and he thinks his jealous tendencies have never paid off like this.

He pulls away abruptly. “You're not calling that guy, right?”

“Oh my god.” Monty turns around and walks away from him, bursting into laughter when Nathan scrambles after him and all but tackles him on the bed.

“It was a joke”, Nathan mumbles against his lips.

Monty's hands settle on his ass. “It was almost cute.”

“Right.” He grins and trails kisses down to his neck.

“You're lucky you're cute.”

There's happiness on the tip of his tongue, the dip of his back, the path of his fingers and the curve of his smile. This close it flows through them without a beginning or an end.

**Author's Note:**

> raven and bellamy are soulmates in every universe thank u for ur time


End file.
